There’s coming out, and there’s coming out! As the only faculty member at Highland Community College who is openly lesbian (or gay for that matter), I felt I’d done my job for the LGBTQ+ community when I appeared for my first day in Freeport and hung a small rainbow flag in my office. But, twelve years later, I’m still the only one. Not only the only one on the Highland staff, but one of the few “out” people in Freeport.
My coming out to my mother was relatively painless. I was 26, my father had died when I was 23, and my mother had long declared her support of LGBTQ+ rights. She’d even taught gay tolerance in her NIU classes in the seventies and eighties. What’s more, she went to her college senior prom with a gay man who was a good buddy, and she had many gay male friends from her days in school getting a degree in speech and theater.
Of course, it is bit different when it is your daughter. My sister told me the other day that my mother at first thought it was just a phrase. But she gamely stood by me. However, she didn’t tell people in DeKalb that I was a lesbian until I was thirty-five and having a baby by alternative insemination. After all, she would have to explain where Kyle came from when he visited.
Her decision not to talk about such an important part of my life was totally out of character as she would yak incessantly about everything, including her sex life anyone who would listen – like the teller at the bank – without a qualm. In truth, she didn’t want people to pity her having a lesbian daughter.
My sisters were great. They were ready to fight anyone who said I shouldn’t be a lesbian. But, they were a little upset as they told me repeatedly that I “shoved it” in everyone’s face. And, I did. When people asked if I was married, I told them I was a lesbian and marriage was illegal (then) “in my country.” I would share anecdotes that came up about my life as a lesbian in any casual conversation when the topic of jobs, healthcare, children, friends, family, or even just funny events happened. As one of my co-workers said, “You say it like you say you ate a hamburger last night.”
And that’s what I plan to do on National Coming Out Day on October 11th in Freeport, Il. I’m celebrating with my friends and allies in a March sponsored by the newly hatched Northwest Illinois Pride Network. We will meet at Freeport City Hall on Sunday, October 11th at 2pm, walk through downtown and end with a rally back at City Hall. Come join us. In short, come out for your family, come out for friends, and come out for justice.
Kay Ostberg is a Freeport Resident, Highland Community College Faculty Member, and a Guest Contributor for The Voice of Freeport.
